My own heart beat raced, as if chasing the ringing monitors. Although I didn't physically rush to the beeping alarm to silence its nagging sound; instead I froze, analyzing each wave and silently questioning each variation. Each abnormal rhythm launched electrical signals through my own heartbeat. I squeezed the hand of the patient under the oxygen mask as they gasped for breath attempting to describe the stabbing like chest and shoulder pain.
I counted the seconds which rapidly shifted into minutes, following each
medication administration; impatient to recognize its effects on that being.
The feeling was a combination of fear and confusion. I didn't belong on
this side of the bed, I wasn't meant to be that harried individual with endless
lists of questions. I knew what was meant to be asked and so I did, but I also
knew when I was expected to be silent as decisions were made and interventions
were initiated. And so I trusted and I watched.
A nurse's role is to lend a heart to the being conducting the overhead
monitor's rhythmic tunes. A nurse is meant to provide comfort to the patient
and their family. Nurses are expected to have answers to the endless lists of
questions or at least know where to search for them. But tonight the beating
monitors weren't just the familiar rhythmic tunes of a nurse's daily shift.
Tonight the questions weren't asked to me, rather by me. Tonight I didn't scan
the arm band receiving medications but I held it; skin to skin, getting and
giving comfort simultaneously. The heart rhythm wasn't simply a wave on a
screen, nor did the heartbeat's sounds effects play a familiar lyric. This time
I felt the heartbeats in my own thumping heart as the rhythm on the monitor
orchestrated its own set of disorganized symphonies in my own heart. This time
the blood conducting the terrifying melodies, was one with genes mirroring my
own, those lyrics belonged to my own flesh; so at that moment, for me, they
sang a completely different tune.
Nursing care entails a multifaceted approach. When we treat a patient, we
don't simply treat one diagnoses, we treat an entire map of diagnoses that
formulates the patient’s condition. We treat their past and current
comorbidities. We treat their current health state as well as their future. We
help manage their care and health maintenance for when they leave. Very
often we not only manage a person’s maze of comorbidities and past present and
future health conditions, but we also help arrange and manage the lives of
individuals involved within the life of the humans we scan with each medication
administration. The family member’s involvement can determine the direction of
the disease, the treatment and the health maintenance of those under our care.
We include the members in the planning process, and we allow them to be
involved in their loved ones care. As we use family to help us attain certain
levels of care for our patients, the family becomes the subjects of our care.
The same way we provide comfort and reassurance to our patients, we comfort and
educate the families. Everyone involved within the life of individual wearing
that armband becomes our patient, becomes our concern.
At times the challenges within our care involve the family more than the
patient. The questions they ask the requests they make, the complaints they
email about. Very often large families often fail to communicate and as a nurse
I must consistently update each member that comes by with questions and
concerns. A task not limited by ability, but rather by time.
We become judgmental when the family looks over our every move, asks
questions about our every task and scrutinize every intervention we initiate
upon their family member. We are judgmental until it is us on the other end.
For me it took seeing my own flesh being scanned for every medication, turned
and positioned, treated with medications to relieve the pain, explained the
plan of care and the depths of the medical situation in a layman's level of
understanding, to fade out some of the critical attitude towards the familial component
of my nursing care and responsibilities.
It's no party sitting on the side of the nonskid socks. Lying on the other side, with the one being scanned is undeniably less preferred to the one with the bursting bladder that lacked its turn for emptying due to the demands of the workload. If given the choice, being the on the side acquiring the anxiety inflicted on by the families scrutinizing eyes and from the inability to produce all the answers to questions would be chosen easily over the side of the one worrying and spilling of questions to voice the uncertainties.
I was on the other side, I felt the feeling of how so many under my care
feel, I saw things the way those under my care see it; I lived the other half’s
life.
I can now relate to the worried faces, the scrutinizing eyes and the
infinite questions. Being on the other side of the scanner, deep into the non
skid socks and snooping in on the muttering and jargon of the medical
teams as they pop into the room for an express visit; did not dissipate
the occasional annoyances but allows me to understand; thereby increasing my
tolerance thus steadying my stance for this particular work challenge.
