Always dressed to the nines. Fringes in the fall, because that's what was popular at fashion week. Patterned tights to match the sweater. Accessorized with the perfect touch of jewels that completed her look. A look so perfect and majestic, and eyes so vibrant and astute to all its surroundings. An air of life emanated from the petite being whose matriarchal persona made all those around her feel warm, wanted, special and loved.
No, I did not just describe the queen of a country.
We first met and connected at a family event where her regal aura made her stand out. We danced, and her energy shocked me. She was someone who aged youthfully. The lines on her face painted a picture of someone who had lived life but did not allow the struggles of life break her; rather, they contoured and sculpted a deeply refined complexion to her presence.
When we began to meet regularly at synagogue, she would wink at me from her spot in the front even when I strolled in late. She had the ability to make all feel special by the mare sincerity of her mannerisms. She never failed to compliment me, she consistently encouraged me to pursue my dreams, to work hard, be successful and make time for myself. I began to see her as the grandmother I didn't have, I even called her Bubby.
On a day off off of work, I came to visit her. While she verbalized deep appreciation for our spending time together, she lectured me for spending time with old people and told me to go out with young people and live life. She always told me to live life, because that was what she did. Despite her fear of death, Helen portrayed the icon of life. Her entire life, her presence and even the her name embodied "Life". I believe her youthfulness and strength stemmed from an ingrain purposeful agenda to truly live and love the life given to her.
The night before she passed Bubby Helen called me as I was walking home from work. It was late but she called to see how my new job was doing, asked me if I was making time for myself and reminded me to be safe as I told her of my planned travel adventures. I asked her if I would see her at Synagogue (where we had become close and often met.) and she said she will come if it does not rain, but promised me that if she did come she would make sure to wear my favorite ring (one I always complimented her on).
Perhaps Bubby Helen saw the rains that would befall on her life, that would wash her physical presence from my life and the lives of all her friends who deeply treasured and valued her. But the impression and the memories of our friendship and the friendship she had with others were not made of sugar flakes that dissolve in the waters of rain. With Helen physically gone, I feel as though I have lost a special friendship, but the unique bond she had woven with me and with others will have a lasting impression. Something that transcends the physical, does not get swept away when a heart stops beating and the breath of life is sucked away. Her impressions, her demeanor, her friendships and her ability to live life will continue impress upon others by way of the individuals with which Helen had formed those bonds.
As I continue to go on living, and attempt to help others live, Helen's last message lingers in my brain.A small note was found among Helen's possessions when she died; a shopping list that included corn syrup with a specific note to get one without fructose, and a short list of peoples names (including my own name). Centered on her list Helen left a message that is more potent than any medication I may administer. She wrote, to be happy, one must;
1-Let go of what is gone
2-Be grateful for what remains
3-Look forward to what comes next!
Helen, you are missed; by myself and so many others, but you are not gone. You will always be remembered as I continue to live, enjoy, value and appreciate all that life has to offer. You always encouraged me to live my life, pursue my dreams and to never compromise for the right thing. So Helen, as you watch from above, I will heed your advice; I will let go of what is gone, be grateful for what remains and look forward to what comes next!
