Voice of the Human Under the Hospital Blanket - Part 3

So how does one measure "great"? How does one quantify "fantabulous"? Surely not with a ruler or a scale, or a score on the G.R.E.s.  And  rarely when that person being measured is staring at herself in a mirror. No, anything of real value is in life's looking glass.
And that perspective is only attained by measuring the value that person has for others. The valuable person steps outside herself, and then, and only then, is her worth revealed. And the world becomes a better place. Because there a few very special people who do special things in this life.
People like DP. She has God in her eyes.

It's always been a source of fascination for me to observe, even study, people's emotions. With their families,with their friends, on the job, with strangers or at play. The source of the emotions is often easily identifiable: the crying child, The Boss, the significant other, or just someone sitting nearby on the bus. People come in all sizes, shapes and favors, so the feelings they engender in others can run the gamut.

Now the emotions themselves provide a fertile field for study. But I'm much more intrigued by watching how people HANDLE those emotions?
What's the outlet?
Where's the safety valve?
Is there an "off" switch?

So how can any person (and remember, I'm referring specifically to you, a Nurse-Hero, in this essay) juggle the thousands of variables that fill the day? I suppose some people turn inward, and introspection does offer a semblance of privacy. But others turn outward, an seek their outlet with family and friends, some of whom might be nurses themselves.

"You won't believe what happened to me today"?

Now I'm certain this happens with teachers, bankers, housewives and construction workers too, but withe a Nurse, there's always the specter of life-and-death situations hour by hour. People's lives can be on the line. Nurses, as heroes, can't just be "normal" people just doing a job. They have to be special, even extraordinary, to do what they do every day they show up. They can't have an "off" day on this job. A family's future might be at stake.
How do they handle that?

Maybe they write a blog...

Written by the human being in Rm 1126-2

Voice of the Human Under the Hospital Blanket- Part 2

So this beautiful, green-uniformed young woman walks into my room, standing on tiptoes, enabling her to write her name on the whiteboard. Devorah.  DP.   Her first few sentences inspired instant confidence. The word "serenity" was coined for just this wondrous lady. And she's in a situation, daily, that is anything but serene. The more she says, the more you want to listen. A gemstone.
Now, I could discern that she was very bright, but I really had no clue. I mean, judging a book by its cover, or its title page, and all that.....

And then I read her blog.

The depth of emotions, the insights, the feelings......one word describes it perfectly: Overwhelming. Not the simple musings of someone with time on her hands. No, the colors she used to explain the details of her job and  her life were a full palette, overflowing with shadings. She felt for people she made you understand. She made you feel everything through her eyes. You felt her.
Incredible. Compassionate. And she is only 23!!!  Absolutely amazing. Ridiculous. Awe-inspiring.

I can only imagine a novel, play or song lyrics from this brilliant young woman. The English language has always been a precious thing to me. I don't write, but I appreciate writings in others.
Like everyone else, I've read a zillion books, articles and essays, yet I've rarely encountered such erudition. It was totally unexpected. And I'm sure she hasn't the first inkling about the effect of her words. The strength and beauty they possess.
Remarkable!

Who can predict the paths her life might take? How many lives she will undoubtedly change? How many will know they have "lucky stars" to thank because they met her?

Written by the human being in Rm 1126-2

Me: Blushing. Humbled. .

Voice of the Human Under the Hospital Blanket- Part 1

A hospital room, undeniably, is often not the most welcoming venue. It can be daunting in the best of circumstances. Various people, in various roles, shuffle in and out, performing tasks that are alien to the general populace. Sometimes, doctors add an air of comfort and caring along with their medical knowledge. Sometimes not. You are fortunate if you meet one that inspires confidence. Most times, they dispense facts from their accumulated storehouse of knowledge. And that's all they do.
Often, a patient is meant to feel as if Moses was coming down from the Mountain with the Tablets. There can be a disconnect. The Doctor Knows Everything. The patient, Nothing.

This is not how the system should work. There has to be that person who knows much of what the doctor knows, but is much more accessible. Someone who will listen. And knows what to listen for. Someone who will understand. Someone who will care. Omnipresent. Indefatigable. Doing everything from cleaning up to assisting with surgery. Making the unknown palatable. Helping the patient understand their frailties as well as their strengths. Manufacturing courage, even when hopelessness seems inevitable. Moses? They are under no such illusion that that is their role. Their role is simple, yet complex. Sometimes easier than others, sometimes next to impossible. They are critical, yet often overlooked.

They are nurses.

Day after day, night after night, one double-shift after another. Saving patients and their families. Getting things done that simply cannot be done. Lessening fears. Giving emotions an outlet. Providing weight, nuance and meaning. Making things digestible. Sometimes they are thanked by the grateful. Oftentimes, not. That's unforgivable.  Often, they are intrinsically motivated. They have to be. As a group,they are rare. They are heroes. They are nurses.

Written by the Human being in  Rm 1126-2.

The Character Above A Prosthetic Leg And A Failing Kidney.

He may be missing a leg, and have a non- functioning kidney squatting inside his body, but his mobility is far more stable than many people standing on two feet. The depth of his character and personality go far deeper than some bodies with completely functioning organs. Heart, mind, attitude and personality; all fully intact. His upbeat, jolly and talkative personality is infectious. It is surprising I managed to complete my many nursing tasks for him during the short 1.5 hours from when he was firsts placed under my care one evening until I handed that role over tonight shift; because conversation does consume time.

Every person and situation one encounters in life may be used as an opportunity to learn and grow from; whether the encounter is negative or positive. This man may have been missing a leg, in addition to a list of co-morbidities, and he was anxiously awaiting to hear possibly life altering medical decisions related to his health condition; but his cheerful and positive personality remain unchanged. 

I tell how it amazes me how he is handling the situation. He is so strong. I ask him how. He says it's a mask, that he isn't showing his concerns and his doubts. He puts up a darn good front. Just speaking to him, not knowing the health situation, and closing eyes to his hospital room location and the prosthetic leg resting at his bed side, one will meet an individual who sees life's colors, and makes the bland in life tasty. He taught me that life will hit you in the face wither way, one can choose jump that bridge or cautiously balance  way across it. He is balancing with one leg and a failing kidney, and I’ll bet on the success of his journey.

As a new nurse, an air of confidence must be masked whether true confidence is present beneath it or not. Sometimes a patient may challenge the mask we put on, others manage to unknowingly keep it sealed tight and sturdy. He managed to peel off the mask and find the genuine face of confidence in my work and rapport with my patients. 

Each morning the nurses on my unit write our name on the whiteboard at the patient's bedside, so throughout the day, we aren't called nurse, we are called by name by those under our care. We write goals on that board, things we will work on with our patient's that day. Usually the daily goals consist of getting up to a chair, walking, pain control... When I asked him his goals the next morning he was under my care, he said world peace and to win the lottery. And so it was written on the white board; and then the day began. 

As our conversations throughout the day continued, I told him about how I express my nursing thoughts and experiences via my blog, next thing I know; there was a read a-loud of my stories in his hospital room. When I came back in the room for evening medications, 2.5 out of his 4 chapter response was written. His words humble me, and puts the my writing to shame.

With his permission I will share his response. I only write about the side of the caregiver. His writing exposes the story of the cared for, the organism receiving the meds, the human being under the blankets of the hospital bed.

A Thanks that Makes a Rough Day Worthwhile.

We sweat and toil to keep patients alive, safe, and stable. We patch up wounds and clean our patients to maintain a steady state of well being. We demonstrate and we teach, so that our hard work and efforts are maintained after our patients are discharged. The families of the ill are our patients too. 

The work of a nurse is rough, but the occasional thanks, especially when it comes along with mouthwatering chocolate delicacies, makes that crazy, lunchless day all worthwhile. These small gestures of appreciation are what  gives us that boost to return for yet another shift and to keep on going. 

#valentinesdaysweets #thanks #nursepower #sugarhigh #chocolate. 

Victory of the Caring Heart for the Infectious and the Infected .

Nurses; we are always multi tasking. Whether it be physically; charting, whilst on the phone getting new orders verified by the pharmacy, all while noting a patient's heart rate and rhythm on the screen. The multitasking is part of what keeps our adrenalin going, why we so infrequently sit down during shifts. All that multi tasking whirlwinds inside of our heads and inside our entire beings as we go about a day’s work. When caring for patients we are not just looking at a body, at clinical scenario; we are looking at a human being and all aspects affecting that human being both physically, mentally and emotionally. With so much time invested in some of those beings under our care, we often get so involved in the care, which  inevitably requires us to consider our own emotions and opinions as we administer the care.

In my simple novice mind the world of a nurse and a nurse's work is divided in two; one is our physical care, including our medical knowledge, tactile skills, and critical thinking. Second is our emotional feelings regarding our patient's condition, as well as our personal feelings and opinions related to the decisions we make and the decisions made by those under our care.

Within the emotional aspects of nursing are that of caring and of empathy. For many these may be the easiest of our many roles. To care for a young mom going through surgery to remove a tumor from her breasts, or the patriarch of a large family recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, even the lonely middle aged gentleman having a colostomy placed and has not received even one visitor since his admission. One doesn't need nursing school to care and empathize with such individuals, nor is it something that requires a conscience effort. It only requires utilization of our innate abilities to have the heart to care.

Even the occasional homeless man who was rolled in from the Emergency Room reeking  from a combination of stool, sweat and urine, one who even after some extraneous scrubbing still manages to chase his neighbor out of the room due to his incessant spouts of cursing and his unrelenting body odor.

     For someone like the aforementioned homeless man with layers of tart lining his teeth, caring and empathy may be difficult,  yet he is still helpless, and so caring is still somewhat  doable.

I have always found the caring aspect the easiest of all my nursing tasks, even when it took a conscience effort on my part to do so. In the 6 months since I've began my career, this week 02/02/2014 did I really have to somewhat mask my inner feelings and opinions and build a conscience effort towards extending a caring attitude for a patient under my care prior to entering a room.

He was young, promiscuous, admitted to sleeping with more partners in than there are days in the past month. He wasn't compliant with medical recommendations related to his care. He would continuously have trouble breathing,and required my presence at his bedside frequently. Each time I walked in his room, the thought of all those individuals who might have been affected by this infected individual would send my usually achievable caring abilities on a wild goose chase. It was the second time in my nursing career that I needed to exercise the "nurse self focusing" prior to entering a patient's room. Prior to entering his room, my mind was stormed with thoughts of all those who might have been affected by him, and all those other people they will unknowingly infect. 

But how things change...

The above section was written after my first day with this patient.  After spending multiple days at his bedside, as I watched his struggle to breath, as I tirelessly encouraged him to comply with the care, all judgment and the parts of my brain once consumed with thoughts regarding those he unknowingly infected, quickly dissipated as I struggled to maintain the breaths from the battered lungs of this individual. I soon became so consumed with making sure this guy was breathing, that my opinion on what caused his health condition was no longer lingering in my head as I watched his oxygen saturation drop as he continuously coughed and struggled to catch his breath. My views regarding those affected by him were only a flicker in my mind as I called and Medical Response Team on my way off shift one night.  Those judgments and opinions completely disintegrated into my brain matter when I learned that this man was intubated, infected by more diseases than I imagined, and was in an Intensive Care Unit fighting for his life. 

As human beings, we do brainless things, and we often do not think of the consequences; because we are human. We are imperfect humans living in an imperfect world. My care for this helpless individual may have been compromised had I continued to judge him based on his imperfections. He may have physically infected others, but we all infect others as well. Everyday that we go out publicly and breath the air we walk, or speak the words we talk, we are affecting those in our surroundings. Today, I learned that my job is not to judge or blame, but simply to care.  He just as I am is imperfect, and I just as he, deserves to be cared about despite any past errors.Today I came to recognize the power of a heart, how it can simply discard the most logical mind. When you walk into a room, and into a patient's life as he struggles to preserve it before your eyes, the heart will stump and grind any bit of logic, blame or excuses with its pillars of caring and of empathy. At times a mind should rule over the heart, but when it comes to a failing heart, the well heart must step up and be the victor.