The "When I graduate list" slowly metamorphosed to the "When I pass my boards list", to the "When I get a job list", to the "When I pay off my loans list".
The quote "Man plans and God laughs"; my own plans perhaps served as a source for one of God's many comedy shows. God has been kind; he breached the natural evolutionary phases of my well planned lists and created the "When I get a job list" before the "When I pass my boards list".
From the very beginning of my nursing journey, I realized that my hard work and efforts can become null if I don't go out there, and not be shy of my yearnings, hopes and my dreams. ... And so I became Nurse Devorah to most people I met. It became my grand topic of conversation in those rare social circumstances that I was involved in. To be a nurse was no longer just a career choice, it became my label, it became my name.
God was probably smirking when I took a job as a youth director in a synagogue to make money on the one day I was technically forbidden to work. (Although it was legally ok, because I did not disregard the Sabbath laws during the job). To me it was an opportunity to become part of a community outside my home and nursing community, and to help pay for some living and school expenses; but God had other plans. This job became my second home, my community, and a source that greatly influenced the success of my nursing career.
Whomever I spoke to, I managed to leak into the conversations, little drips of my hopes and dreams for a life dedicated towards nursing. Together with organization on my part for applying for an externship on the day applications opened along with some fabulous networking sources from my new synagogue, I got an externship at NYULMC. That externship allowed the "when I get a job list" to precede the "when I pass my boards list".
As God continued smirking at my not so quiet mouth, and my odd jobs to keep a nursing student going; it was a kind smirk; the type that has something really special in store for someone striving for a dream, the type that shows that someone else runs the world, the type of smirk that reminds to me to be thankful for that which has allowed some of my life's dreams to metamorphose into a scary yet jubilant reality.
As I begin my career in actuality, I feel God, I feel the 'kind' type of smirk; it serves as a reminder that someone else is in control of my efforts of success and my efforts towards saving lives. God isn't a accessory that I put into the pocket of my scrubs each morning and hope it still there at the end of the day, because those often get lost. I feel that smirk with me every time I give a medication and help a patient. My pens and alcohol swabs often fall out of my pocket, but that higher power guiding me each day, keeps my pocket in place, right over my heart.
...So it has all become more than just a dream list. Now it is just about a novice nurse getting through a day by just saving and not killing anyone; something that a silly list for new boots, new makeup, and new bikes have become all but a hopeful bonus.
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