Change; is the thing that many fear, yet aspire to at the same time. Change is scary, and staying put is often the easier route. Change is also a seed towards growth, and the tedious beginnings that change leads to, help mold a stronger and finer, final product.
I feared change when I took my first job and transitioned from student to nurse. I feared it again when I was that comfortable nurse on a surgical step down, with a thirst to learn more, and so I transferred to the ER. I feared it when I transitioned from day shift to night shift, from preceptee to an independent nurse, from adult nurse to peds nurse, and sometimes from one shift to another. Change has guided many fears, yet molded many fabulous milestones and outcomes.
I love being an ER bedside nurse, I love working nights and being off during the day time. I also love learning, and so I went to school and I became an NP. It was hard to take the leap and sashay right into an NP role. I wanted to find my niche first, I wanted to find an area of medicine that I thought I could love as much as I love going into the ER each night for work. Even when I found that area, I feared leaving my friends, my three day work week, and the role I feel so comfortable in and love doing.
That transition from the RN role to the NP role, was like trapezing from a mountain I love and cherish, to a possibly brighter other kind of mountain that may take adjusting to, until I can fully appreciate it. Leaving the security and comfort of my role and taking the leap across, frightened me, and it still does. What if I fall? What if I can’t do my new role well? How will I maintain relationships I've made and hone the skills I've mastered?
I love being an ER nurse, I have made bonds with colleagues, and every critical patient gets my adrenaline rushing through my skin. I have honed skills that will help shape the path on any road I take, and I have built friendships that are like family. But on my mission as a “Striving Novice”, I must detect when the sponge in my brain begins to dry and when it has absorbed adequate knowledge and experience. It is easy to remain where it is comfortable, but my little mind must grow with new knowledge and experiences and so it must venture out into new surroundings, onto a new adventure. To get to the top one must climb, but also stagger on the various lower levels to grasp the other views along the way, making the top view all the more fascinating. I will leave the comfort of my ER family. I will take my sponge of information, love for the work I do, the friendships I have built and knowledge i've honed, with me, as I once again become the “novice” in another field of nursing. I will be the ‘new girl’ in an unfamiliar work mode, in a new work environment, and with new people.
As a “Striving Novice”, I have a goal to challenge myself, to always be a novice at something. I strive to not let the comfort and ease of knowing, stunt my growth. It is the strive to constantly learn, and work at being new at something, so that my brain does not stay idle, ever.
And so that night time ER Nurse is about to leave the only hospital I have ever worked at, to become a daytime, novice, nurse practitioner on the plastics and reconstructive surgery service, at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.
Cheers to change, to growth, to taking that leap of faith, and to leaving the comfortable, and facing the scary. I will miss the ER and everything about it terribly, but I look forward to thriving and striving in my new role and my new workplace. I will face the fear of change, and once again, leap into the challenge of the novice.
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